The campaign ended at Midnight and--strap in, believers in a just and fair God--pulled in a final tally of $104,788.
Pictured: your only sane response
Clearly, Slayer isn't really the house band in Hell; it's Matt & Kim or some shit.
Let's break down what these
$10 Pledge: A download of the album before it's released (982 backers): OK, fine. Nearly 50% of the initial target was raised by offering advance mp3s. For $9,820 my band could record three albums, but whatever.
$30 Pledge: A signed hard copy of the album + a digital download of the album before it's released (557 backers): Are they getting vinyl? A CD? DAT? Wax cylinder? Anyone else see the format specified anywhere? For $16,710 my band could record three albums, advertise them, and shoot Pitchfork a bribe for a "Best New Music" mention--and by "bribe" i mean we'd donate $250 to this campaign and ask Nataly to Skype dirty with Ryan Schreiber--we'll toss in an extra sawbuck if necessary ($250 pledge, limited reward SOLD OUT [0 of 10 remaining, Sweet Chocolatey Jesus]).
Oh, and speaking of creepy and gross:
$100 Pledge: SPECIAL EDITION SIGNED POSTER AND ONE-OF-A-KIND POLAROID OF ME TAKEN IN THE STUDIO WHILE RECORDING + special edition t-shirt + signed hard copies of "Her Earlier Stuff" and the upcoming album + a digital download of the album before it's released (110 backers): Ooh! A one-of-a-kind Polaroid! For $11,000 I could take the entire LFR roster to Glamour Shots and offer fetching portraits of Billy from Trophy Wives in rouge and a feather boa, which would be way more entertaining than your very own private dead-eyed gaze from a Christian Fundamentalist hipster on washed-out-looking, obsolete film stock.
If you don't think this is more awesome than a Nataly Dawn polaroid, i'm not sure why you're reading this blog
$2,000 Pledge: I WILL COVER THE SONG OF YOUR CHOICE (within reason) AND UPLOAD THE VIDEO TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL! I'll give you a call and we can talk over the details! (+ poster + t-shirt + signed hard copies of "Her Earlier Stuff" and the upcoming album + a digital download of the album before it's released) (limited reward SOLD OUT [0 of 6 remaining]): I'm guessing that "within reason" means that we couldn't have all pooled our cash and made her cover "I Got Athlete's Foot (I Showered at Mike's)" by Anal Cunt or "Victory Day" by Prussian Blue. People, for $2000 IfIHadAHiFi will cover the song of your choice, without reason. "Forever Your Girl" by Paula Abdul? Done, but "Opposites Attract" is the clear jam, c'mon. "Beverly Hills" by Weezer? OK, maybe i'm being hyperbolic.
$3,000 Pledge: A HOUSE SHOW at YOUR HOUSE with ME playing all of MY SONGS for YOU! If your house is more than a 4 hour drive from my place, you will also have to cover travel and one hotel room for 2 people. If you have any questions, please message me. Thank you!!! (Includes poster + t-shirt + signed hard copies of "Her Earlier Stuff" and the upcoming album + a digital download of the album before it's released) (limited reward [3 of 5 remaining]): I have a message for the two people who spent THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS for a Nataly Dawn house show: is your company hiring? Wait, i have another message: next time, just book David Bazan--he only costs around $800, he sells tickets so it's cheaper for you, and the music's wayyyyy better. And he's better looking.
For hosting the Passion of the Christ of online fundraisers, Kickstarter gets their standard 5% fee, which comes out to $5239.40. Hey, it's a free country, so good for them, i guess. But i feel the need to repeat the last section of my previous post on this matter:
Even more than this just being an extended "other people don't like what i like, i guess i'll go eat worms" snit-fit, it begs to be asked: is this not a complete abuse of Kickstarter's mission? Am i wrong in thinking that a project like this undermines the projects of real struggling artists who legitimately need Kickstarter in order to fund their films, albums, and other projects? I can't be the only one who thinks that this campaign is a classic lesson in Doing It Wrong.
Stay tuned for future Kickstarter projects like
"Help U2 Fund Their African Concert Tour"
"Help Google Buy Kickstarter.com"
"Buy Cher a New Face And Help Her Cheat Old Age For Another Decade"
"Help Keep Prince Fielder in Milwaukee"
OK, i'd actually donate to that last one.
Fuck. Let's end this post on a positive note. Here's something that kicks the entire Pimplepoofamoosealump empire into the dirt: the new Wild Flag video, made, as far as i can tell, without Kickstarter donations.